Out of the Blue
By: Rusty Ralston
Lun: A worker who regrets working in hell for awhile, and wanting to have a new job in heaven
Edward: Some joe trying to leave their estranged family.
Act I, Scene 1
Edward is trying to run away from his family in his jeep. He stops at night in the middle of the woods at dusk because of a busted headlight. He attempts to change the headlight and hears something in the woods.
Edward
H-hello?
The rustling in the woods get louder and louder, Edward grabs a gun from the Jeep and points it at the woods, when a wolf-like person comes out of the woods, wearing what some people may consider to be “satanic” clothing and makeup.
Lun
Oh hey, I was wondering when I was gonna reach the south.
Edward
Who the fuck are you?
Lun
An angel.
Edward pauses in disbelief
Edward
A-an angel? Are you kidding me? You look like the daughter of Satan!
Lun
Yeah, I get that a lot.
Edward looks away, and when he looks back he sees Lun is gone, only for Lun to appear right behind him, scaring him. Edward screams and puts his gun on Lun’s chest.
Edward
How did ya-
Lun
Angel.
Lun snaps her fingers and Edward’s gun disappears.
Edward
Where did my-
Lun
Angel!
Lun snaps her fingers again and suddenly the car’s headlights are fixed.
Edward
Why did y-
Lun
You just don’t get it, do ya. I. AM. AN. AN-GEL.
Edward looks at her, shocked.
Edward
You’re a nut!
Edward runs to the jeep but Lun locks the jeep doors. Edward tries to open it but begins to face his sudden, new reality.
Edward
Okay, so, if you’re an angel, then why are you dressed up like that?
Lun
Well, I used to work for this lovely bar in Hell, you know, the Ceaucescu, just outside of Pol Pot city. Anyway, lately the place has been overrun with fans of the team called the Spreads. And-
Edward
The Spreads? What type of sport do they play?
Lun
Oh they’re one of the big baseball teams down in hell.
Edward
Hell has baseball teams?
Lun
Yep, it’s Hell’s favourite pastime!
Edward looks at her like she just became Barbara Walters’ dead body
Lun
Anyway, these Spreads fans just took over everything, started to multiply, and cough on one another, and everybody in the bar hated it, so it had to be shut down.
Edward
Seems a little harsh.
Lun
Hey, they chose to be Spreads fans. Anyway, so I gave up that job and decided to become an angel, mainly because it pays more.
Edward
Says a lot.
Lun
So this Random guy assigned me to you cause apparently you’re having trouble with your family. By the way, you seem pretty Kavaleir about all this.
Edward
What do ya mean?
Lun
Oh, you park in the woods, a big wolf girl appears out of nowhere, takes your gun away and locks your keys inside your car, and you just seem to be unfazed by it fast.
Edward
I mean, I’ve seen some crazy shit in 2020…or maybe it was the LSD.
Lun
Anyway, what’s wrong with your family?
Edward
Well, they always seem to treat me like I am their personal butler, and I’m getting pretty tired of it.
Lun
I see, well, I know something that can take care of that…
Lun snaps her fingers and an explosion is seen in the background, that was Edward’s old house. Edward looks on in disbelief.
Edward
Oh, way to go Angelbob!
END
DC Solar Writings 